All You Need Is Love

To Myself,

All you need is love, love is all you need.

I have been obsessed with the Beatles lately and I must say the music has really helped me! Since:

The days have never looked so poor, well I guess that's just me, but that's what I think. I went to go visit my mother last night, and while I was there I got a text, a text from someone that usually makes my heart warm, that usually makes me smile. The text said something like, "Casey, Blah blah blah, I would rather get fucked and left in the cold then being with you." It's hard not to think about, the fact that the girl you've spent your last month with doesn't want to be with you, but she would rather get hurt more.

On top of that Anna texts me, to tell me, she has decided that she misses me. Lately she misses me, and I don't know what that is supposed to mean, she is pregnant, and this is just some fucking game. She is thinking about me and I am thinking about her, and if she didn't make some shitty decision I could still be struggling in the same relationship.

Yesterday I took a walk, and listened to the songs that always choke me up. I spent sometime walking before the tears actually started coming. I didn't want to cry, I really didn't I feel pathetic for crying about Anna. I walked down the the river, where Anna and I sat on the rocks and just sat there. The summer air catching our skin, kissing the sweat of our skin. At first it felt cool, but as the skin dried the air started to feel warm again, but not as warm as it usually would. Due to the river water, the wind would catch that and cool right down on the coast.

Anna she picks up a rock, the body of the gravel colored rock flat and smooth. Anna, she stands up and casts the rock out into the body of the river, but she doesn't throw it normally, she throws the rock on it's side. As the rock soars through the air above the river water, I look out at it, a spec in the shining summer air. The rock hits the water but doesn't sink, it skips, not once, not twice. The rock skips thrww times along the water before hopping once more and sinking into the cool deep body of water.

Anna loved to skip rocks.

So I pick one up and toss it once, mine doesn't skip once, and she laughs, and smiles, and it's alright that I didn't skip a rock because I didn't have to, she is everything I need from now on.

And now I don't have her.

All these memories are hard when you don't have new memories to make with someone new, and this is when you find out you were really in love, 3 years ago, you could have doubted it, you would have doubted it. But here I am 7 months in from a break up, she is pregnant, and I miss her more than anything.