Part 1. I need to change my genes, before they change me...

I have been confused.
Confused because nothing that enters my life stays long. And the things or people that do just kind of turn into routine instead of events.
I guess I'm writing this short message for myself, to really understand why it is that I am struggling. To really captivate the moment and study it. Study the reasons behind my brains unruly madness. And hopefully while reaching this epiphany I can start to really understand the way I am feeling.
Today I realized something... A branch of myself that truly needs to be noticed more. True feelings... Feelings that I have no control over. The feelings you forget about but they will always be there. These feelings carve a hole inside of you masking themselves inside your other emotions. You try to forget them, you try to destroy them but you can't.
They are with you forever. A type of scar that is burned into your genes, but a good scar... A good burn.
Something I have never experienced but I do now. I feel it now...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I'm dying... Can't you hear my cough?

Dear myself, not really anyone else...

But if anyone else is reading I am writing this from my email. I decided to write it on here because I am laying in bed ready to go to bed, and the sheer fact that I wanted to try it out.

It's nearly 5 and I just got done hanging with my new friend Corey. The kid is awesome and he is a great guy. Just like me, no one really notices or sees it. He is a great kid though and even if no girl can see that, and he needs to see that too. It's kind of hard to see what kind of person you are when you are being when you have a girl ruining everything.

This is what woman do...

Laura is being so fucked... And Vicky is just a fucking dog following her little pity parade, but the only thing Laura is good at is getting pissed that her life doesn't go the right way and she gets pissed when everyone doesn't make her the most important thing in their lives. This pisses me off because everything I do for them and tell them Laura wants to make it about her... She always wants it to be about her and Vicky just follows. It's not Vicky and I don't care what she says but that's not her... We haven't been as close as we usually are.

And on top of all of this I can't stop thinking about shit... I hate not having my mind under control because when I don't I can't write... And I love to write. I haven't been home in a little while and honestly I can't wait to go home this summer and piss off Sandy. Ha ha. But really I can't wait to see my mom and my sister.

I know I haven't been writing in this and I'm gonna try to start... It means a lot that I keep writing and there is no reason why I shouldn't. So this is the start of me writing. I am going to try at least... So don't hold it against me if I don't.

Because I probably won't...

Well I am feeling tired... I will hopefully write more tomorrow. Goodbye to myself.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Test

Test run.
That's all.
Goodbye.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry